I’m not sure if David Date and I are still friends on facebook. If we are, maybe David will learn a lesson about what not to do on first dates. Maybe David will learn what not to do in general. Maybe David Date is on a date, while I sit here ranting about a date we had two years ago. Honestly I think by the end of this post it’s going to be really difficult for me to remember what David Date’s real name is, but that’s probably for the better, right David?
I met David Date how any young lady meets a potential mate in rural Massachusetts these days – the internet. I’ve had random bouts of interest in pursuing internet dating over the last 5 years, but usually I sign up, go through the 50 questions about my life that I am only half honest about answering (potentially 1/4 honest about answering), post my picture and proceed to ignore any messages I get and hide behind my computer. David Date seemed like good potential though. He was in his early 40’s, had his own company – I will not name his company to protect David, but it was a company that made me think he was a good person. It wasn’t like a non-profit do-good something or other company – it literally had nothing to do with anything that would make him a good person, but in my head, someone that owned this KIND of revenue builder must also DREAM of doing good. I had already set David up for failure.
The one thing you need to know about David that will come up later, is that he had grown up in the area, and seemed to know everything about it. When I was emailing him about how expensive firewood was – he said that one of his buddies owned a business that made furniture, and they were always giving out the leftover wood, and he’d connect me if we needed firewood. We emailed quite a bit, then decided to meet up. I’d lived in Western Massachusetts for a few years, but hadn’t really delved into the nightlife – not that there is much of one once the winter settles in – so when David Date suggested a local lounge called Silk City Tap Room, I thought – oooo – swanky. I had driven by it and there was an old sign outside that said cocktails with a neon light up picture of a martini – not in a trashy way, in a swanky-we’ve-been-here-since-the-50’s-and-still-play-lounge-music kind of way. I pictured us – David Date and I – drinking manhattans while we bantered back and forth, my voice sounding much like Grace Kelly’s while I turned down a second drink and asked for a dance.
Although I didn’t dress up quite that much – I did put on a cute winter dress, my standard brown boots and a lovely updo. I call it “Erin – 2006 through 2009”. If you saw me through those years I was most likely wearing this outfit. It has only been changed because my hair is too short for an updo, and my boots have a hole in them. Ahhhh, motherhood.
Anyway, when I walked into Silk City, I realized that my image was slightly different than the actual bar. Don’t get me wrong, my favorite bar is a dive bar. When the floor is too dirty for you to realize what is actually on the floor, I’m in. When the only thing on tap is PBR, I’m in. When the bathroom and the back alley of the bar are somewhat similar, I’m your girl! But in this case, it was not what I was expecting. I refer you to the above picture. No big deal, as my roommate at the time said – it was a night out. I bought myself a beer and settled down to wait. We were supposed to meet at 8:00 p.m., and it was 8:05. No big deal though. A night out. A night out. A night out and it’s 8:20 and I’m at a dive bar by myself in Florence. La la la. No big deal. 8:25. Yup. Totally fine. Not freaking out at all. Not texting my roommate asking for support in my decision to exit. But ALAS! Here comes David…
David, having picked the venue, was not mistaken in what kind of place it was. He was not wearing a tuxedo. He was not, in fact, wearing anything.
But he did look like he had just rolled out of bed – for many reasons. One, his clothes were not what I would say I’d expect anyone to wear on a first date. Was this not a first date? I thought it was. Two, he yawned quite a bit. I mean, I was tired too, but I at least feigned interest. He sat down, said “Hey”, and ordered a beer. And here we go….
David Date: So, yah, I have my own business. It’s great. I’m really good at it. Do you work? (No pause here) Yah I think you said you did. Anyway I was dating this girl for a while, she was great. For like 6 months.
Erin: Um, that’s great.
David Date: Yah we used to hang out once a week. She asked me to take her to my factory so that’s where we’d meet.
David Date: Yah there wasn’t really anyone there, so we just kind of hung out, if you know what I mean. Erin: I think I do.
David Date: So anyway I’m sorry I was late I was just around the corner at my new house.
Erin: Oh, you just bought a house? I didn’t know that.
David Date: Yah, it’s just around the corner, I’m trying to redo the kitchen and there’s a lot of work around the house that needs to be done, some bedrooms that need fixing up for my kids.
Erin: Oh, I thought you said you didn’t have any kids?
David Date: Oh. Right, yah I do.
Erin: Oh. Great – how old are they?
David Date: 7, 9 and 11. They’re awesome.
Erin: That’s great! I have a 3 year old.
David Date: Yah anyway I need to fix up the rooms so when my wife and I split, they have a place to stay.
Here’s where I fell off my chair. Do I throw my drink at him? It seems kind of dramatic but I’ve TOTALLY always wanted to do it, and in this case, seems like the next move. And at least it’ll make this night slightly more entertaining than it is so far.
Erin: Um, your wife?
David Date: Yah.
Erin: You’re married?
David Date: Well, not really. I mean technically yes, but we’re going to split up after Christmas. We just don’t want to tell the kids before that. And my wife doesn’t really want to split up. You know how it is.
Erin: Um, does your wife know you’re dating?
David Date: Nah.
Erin: So, where are you supposed to be right now?
David, using air quotes and speaking very sarcastically: You know, “Working on the house”.
Erin: I have to go.
David Date: Ok. You don’t want to come over (using his quotes again) and, y’know, “see the new house?”
David Date: Do you want to (using his quotes again) “Go get some firewood” at my buddy’s place?
Sometimes, a night in is way better than a night out.